Fish - You bet!
by PadBlack
Summary: Anders loves his pets: his fish - but as much as he cares for them, he never learns how they behave while he isn't around. Anders' life from the point of view of his fish. This is a kind of crossover of The Almighty Johnsons and the Hobbit - well if you're ok with the fact that only the names of some characters are used - and a hint of Being Human UK ;-)


This silly idea just popped up in my mind and won't leave me alone.

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**Fish – You bet**

Anders held the door open for his female companion.

As a kind of ritual the first thing he did after entering the apartment was greeting his fish, spreading some fish-flakes into their tank and watching them swim to the surface to feed.

The girls who accompanied him thought it always to be very cute. They believed him to be considerate... well he was but only in case of his fish and sometimes his brothers...

Afterwards the evening continued in the usual way: drinking, talking, kissing, undressing and at some point bodies ended entangled onto the table, the couch, the floor in front of the fish tank or in the bedroom.

Even if Anders cared much for his pets-more than for his varying bed bunnies – he'd never got to notice how they behaved while he wasn't around.

.~*~.

After the humans had vanished – this time thankfully directly into the bedroom so he hadn't had to cover his nephews' eyes – Thorin cleared his throat. "Well, they are busy for now. Ori, how are the odds today?"

The young fish had the best memory of all of them so it was his duty to remember all the wagers. "Nori and Balin had been right. It was a tall blonde today… again."

Nori grinned confidently: "Yeah."

The oldest in their midst, Balin, nodded approvingly with a small smile.

As Nori was always eager to get his win he swam over to the fish who managed their wagers: "Come on, Gloin, we want our payout."

A moody voice - Bofur, who had lost his bet – again – huffed from the background: "Well, it wasn't that surprising, as Anders prefers blondes."

"If it was THAT obvious, why didn't you bet on that, Bofur?" Gloin made a snide remark.

"I'd like to be a little adventurous some times. It makes life less boring," Bofur snapped.

Balin tossed in: "Sure and that's why you owe us 30 right now. I'm sorry, lad, but you've got to pay off your debts before you could bet again."

Bofur was indignant. "What? – No – Wait, I bet Anders will kick the blonde out just before dawn. You just have to lend me some more – it's sure as death."

Gloin tossed in: "Yeah, yeah, we've heard THAT before, too."

Balin tried to calm the waves. "Laddie, I think you should stop for a while. You maybe have a little gambling problem."

Bofur stammered, "No, I don't, I…"

"SILENCE!"

They all stopped dead as the biggest of their little community – Dwalin – raised his voice.

Thorin sighed. "Thanks, mate. Now listen, I think that Balin and Gloin are right. Bofur, you should take a break."

Bofur was thunderstruck. "But…"

"It's my last word – understood?" Thorin asked sternly.

"Yes," Bofur mumbled, frustrated, and swam to hide behind some aquatic plant to sulk about their chief's unfair decision.

"But, Thorin, without Bofur we are one teammate short. You can't ban him." Ori added for consideration.

"We could play for him, uncle," Kili and Fili piped up in unison… as always. The two even swam simultaneously and never left each other's side since they'd hatched a few weeks ago.

Thorin sighed. "No, boys, you're too young to gamble. We talked about it."

"But uncle..."

"NO! What is this today? Is the thermostat not working right, again? Or why don't you listen? I AM chief – I say what to do and YOU will do as I say – are we clear?"

The leading fish shot angry looks around and his right-hand fish Dwalin made an impressive display of his scarry fins – he never told anyone where he got those scars from...

The fellow fish tried to look as innocent and disinterested as possible. But the youngest swam away pouting to join Bofur at his hiding-place.

After Gloin paid Balin and Nori off the small community little by little went to sleep.

.~*~.

In the middle of the night the fish were rudely awakened. Followed by extremely loud sounds there was unexpected light from the living room. A female human voice shrieked: "Don't touch me, arsehole – how did you even made me come along with you? - Prick – Dwarf" - and so on and so forth - she was very creative – BANG – that was the door.

Finally she was gone.

The fish acted a little disturbed. Bofur seemed to be paralyzed and stayed near the ground.

Kili and Fili pressed themselves to Thorin's fins hindering him from swimming too far from them. Dwalin placed himself protectively in front of them. Ori hid behind some plants and the rest of them who were more familiar to actions like this swam around quite relaxed.

Anders came in sight, stepped closer to the fish tank and sighed. His hair was unruly and he was naked. The blond man watched his pets, concerned.

He tapped softly at the glass with a fingertip and spoke in a hushed voice: "Did she wake you? I'm sorry, guys. She was a bit... weird I guess. Go back to sleep."

Then he turned, switched the lights off, shut the door behind him and all went dark again.

"See," came Bofur's low voice from the ground. "I was right, he had kicked her out before dawn."

"Bofur," sighed Thorin, meanwhile trying to persuade his still scared nephews to swim back to their sleeping stone. "SHE kicked herself out and it wasn't actually a bet AND I won't remind you again, that you're still banned from betting."

Nori snickered in the background.

Nipping further discussions in the bud Thorin said firmly, "Off to sleep with you again – shush."

.~*~.

The following days passed by as usual. Most of the nights Anders was accompanied by different females who he dumped more or less early in the morning.

The fish bets continued without the still expelled Bofur. But with one wagerer less it wasn't that much fun and the odds weren't that long. It got more interesting when the same female returned not one but two evenings in a row. The fish got very excited about that and the stakes ran high. But in the end she fled the apartment before breakfast on the third morning. As no one had foreseen that the win wasn't distributed.

After that – in Anders' case – long encounter with the same woman it went a little quiet. The blond man spent the following nights all alone at home.

The fish got bored. They bet as usual but only to small stakes. And they turned to bets on at what time their human might get up in the morning or when he'll return home, what he will have for breakfast or if it might rain.

Thorin even allowed Fili and Kili to bet once – but only with one fish-flake each – they bet that Anders will get up at 2 am – honestly? - and lost of course. But while Thorin expected nothing else he told them it was a lesson for them and they were not allowed to bet again until they were a few weeks older.

The young ones whined and sulked until they found something to distract themselves – there was this interesting, shiny stone near one of the glass walls.

One evening, Anders dressed himself to go out. Nori who won most of the wagers – some whispered behind their fins that he cheated – persuaded Thorin to allow Bofur one bet, as a last chance: all his debts canceled against a life ban from betting.

Thorin and Bofur accepted, while Gloin protested and Balin voiced his concern.

Nori just smirked as Bofur placed his bet: Anders would return with a dark-haired man and he would stay for a long time, at least three days.

Thorin rolled his eyes.

Dwalin grunted.

Balin sighed.

Gloin shook his fins in disbelieve.

Fili and Kili snickered and Ori, who took this all very serious, made an earnest mental note to remember everything.

In the end everyone accepted the bet.

Now it was time to wait.

Hours later – the light in the fish tank had gone out long ago – the apartment door finally opened. The light was switched on and the dozing fish heard the muffled sound of laughter. That was strange. Normally Anders and his companion didn't laugh. They just talked a bit and then did things...

The fish were all tensed up. They tried to identify the second voice. Maybe it was one of Anders' family. The fish could tell after a while that there were visitors who he wasn't snogging and stuff. But usually they wouldn't come and visit him by night and none of them ever laughed with the blond.

This was highly unusual.

Finally Anders came in sight and greeted his devoted fish. But they didn't expect what happened next: a second person appeared in front of the fish tank.

The fish just stared open-mouthed – that wasn't that unusual – at a dark-haired man with twinkling brown eyes and a broad smile on his face while Anders introduced, "Mitchell, these are my fish – Guys, say Hi to Mitchell."

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**A/N:**

Feel free to grin, smile or laugh if you like it ;-)

Thanks for reading - comments are most appreciated.


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